Said no to family and now they act like I killed someone

Let's get one thing straight: your question is "how to deal with the family backlash?"

That's the wrong question.

It's the question a people-pleaser would ask. It reveals the core of your problem: your focus is still on "dealing with" them. You're still making their reaction the main event. You've just shifted from "how do I make them happy by saying yes?" to "how do I make them less angry now that I've said no?" You're still their emotional janitor, just cleaning up a different kind of mess.

You think you're breaking the cycle, but you're still standing in the middle of it, letting their emotions dictate yours. The guilt isn't "overwhelming you"; you are grabbing it with both hands and refusing to let it go because it's a familiar feeling. Being the "good daughter" has been your identity for so long that facing their disapproval feels like a character death.

Here's my advice, which is outside your current frame of thinking:

1. Reframe Their Reaction: This Isn't a Tragedy, It's a Tantrum.

You didn't kill someone. You unplugged a household appliance that has been running for free for over a decade. And now the appliance is making a lot of noise. This reaction from your family is what behavioral psychologists call an "extinction burst."

Think about it: for years, when they pressed the "ask daughter for something" button, they got a reward. Now, for the first time, they pressed the button and got nothing. Their instinct isn't to reflect and understand; it's to press the button harder, faster, and with more force. The crying, the silent treatment, the texts—that is them furiously smashing the button. It is a predictable, mechanical response. It is not a reflection of your worth or selfishness; it's a reflection of their panic that their system has been disrupted.

Your goal is not to "deal with" the extinction burst. Your goal is to outlast it.

2. Stop Owning Their Feelings. It's Not Your Guilt.

The guilt you feel? That's not your guilt. It's a weapon they forged, handed to you, and trained you to use on yourself. Why the hell do you feel guilty for being pregnant and exhausted? Where is THEIR guilt for expecting their exhausted, pregnant daughter to continue to be their unpaid caterer and hostess?

Let me be clearer: The person who should feel guilty in this situation is the one trying to make a pregnant woman feel bad for resting. That is not you.

Every time a wave of guilt hits you, I want you to stop and ask: "Is this my guilt, or is this the guilt they want me to feel?" You've been conditioned to accept any emotional package they hand you without looking at the return address. It's time to start sending them back.

3. Your New Role Annihilates Your Old One.

You are not just a daughter anymore. You are about to become a mother. Your primary directive, biologically and emotionally, is shifting. It is now your job to protect a new, vulnerable life. That means protecting its mother—YOU.

Your family is operating on an old software version of you ("Daughterv2.0ServicePack"). You have just upgraded to "Mother_v1.0". The new software's priority is a healthy baby and a sane mom. It is fundamentally incompatible with the old software's demands. Your family's backlash is a compatibility error. It's not your job to downgrade yourself to make their old system run. It's their job to update.

So, what do you actually do?

You don't "deal with" the backlash. You demote it. It is no longer the main event. Your pregnancy is the main event. Your health is the main event. Their drama is just background noise.

When your mom cries, you say: "Mom, I love you, but my decision is made for my and the baby's health. I will not discuss it further." Then you end the conversation. When your dad gives you the silent treatment, you let him. Enjoy the silence. You don't have the energy to coax a grown man out of a sulk. When your siblings text you calling you selfish, you have two options: a) The mature one: "I'm sorry you feel that way. My health and this pregnancy have to be my priority right now." b) The one you should probably use: Block them. Or simply reply with, "Wow." and nothing else. Don't JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain). It's a trap.

Stop trying to get them to understand. You are seeking approval from the very people whose addiction to your servitude is the problem. They will not approve of you cutting off their supply.

So wake the fuck up. They're not acting like you killed someone. They're acting like their free, all-purpose human utility has suddenly developed a mind of its own, and it's pissing them off. Good. Let them be pissed. You've got a baby to build. That's your only job right now.